Connection

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt since having little kids, is that when they’ve done something wrong, they need “connection before correction”.

Which is counterintuitive – we might feel the need to jump in immediately with corrections like “No snatching!” or “Hey, we don’t HIT!”.

Things like shouting, nagging, and punishing them for things they’ve done “wrong” rarely work out the way you intend (and just because I’m writing this doesn’t mean I’ve mastered it, by any means 😂).

It’s a concept that’s taken me years to finally put into practice as a parent – but I only realised today that’s it’s something I’ve always done with clients, because they kind of need the same thing.

Heres what I mean…

Clients come to you with problems that need solving, but oftentimes there’s a story behind it.

In the last few weeks, a past client came back to me after several years wanting my help with a new business he’d started. I couldn’t completely understand why he tracked me down, but the work was similar to our previous engagement, so that mostly made sense.

During our discovery call, I asked some foundational questions about the new business, and he opened right up. Lots of personal backstory, and some conflict in his business history that he wants to put right.

In my early days, I would have had a lot of ideas for him. Suggestions for what he “should” do, according to me.

Or in the parenting world – “corrections”.

Instead, I was genuinely interested in how this story was informing the direction of his business, so I shelved a lot of my questions (and suggestions!) and just let him get it all out.

When he was done, I expressed how hard that must have been, that I was sorry to hear about the hard stuff, and truly excited for him for the new direction.

We spent the whole first session on this, and I didn’t make a single suggestion other than what to discuss at the next session.

Right afterwards, I was second-guessing my approach of not offering any ideas, so I asked him if the session was helpful.

His words (with typos corrected):

“I’ve had every obstacle thrown in my face, but you were always different. You’re not just interested in hitching a ride off my successes. You ask good questions and make me think more deeply about what I’m working towards”.

That day, he didn’t need any new ideas – I think all he needed was for his story to finally be heard.

Your clients will need this too – be prepared to listen without always trying to solve everything…